The man who loves me won’t break up with his long-distance girlfriend
Posted by Jeffrey on Tuesday, 6 May, 2008
SANCLO writes,
I have a friend of 12 yrs. We were friends prior to my marriage and now after my marriage. I knew he always liked me and I though he was ok, until towards the end of my marriage and I started to realize that he was the yin to my yang. He says he always knew from the time he laid eyes on me. We stimulate each other mentally, emotionally, and physically to high degree, but he has a long distance girlfriend he sees twice a year. During the end of my marriage, I finally decided to sleep with him and it was the best I ever had. I think it was because we had an emotional bond prior to sleeping together. Well, that gelled it for us. I thought once my marriage was dissolved we would be together, and that’s how he was saying it as well, but now, he is moving soooo slow, to the point where I think he might have changed his mind. He has not changed in his acts or his devotion but the girlfriend is still there and he does not visit me as much as I thought he would now that I’m free. He says there is no doubt I’m the one and has always been the one, but he cares about this girl too. ??HUH?? HOW CAN YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME AND CARE ABOUT SOME OTHER CHICK. I don’t know what to think or do at this point Jeff, I have said this to him many times and he still has done nothing to assure me, he wants me to wait for him as he waited for him. Another thing is that I am five yrs older than him with kids and not having any more, he has one and thinks he wants more, but says it’s ok he will love mine. PLEASE HELP [edited for clarity]
SANCLO,
Do not wait for your friend. Move on. I do not think he will break up with his long-distance girlfriend.
I believe it is possible for a man to love more than one woman at the same time. Perhaps he feels safer having a distant relationship with two women than to devote himself, with his whole heart, to one. He is many miles from his girlfriend, but he is far away from you as well.
He cannot ask you to wait for him as he waited for you. You were married. He is not. All he has to do is tell his girlfriend that he has fallen in love with another woman, and break up with her. No paperwork is required.
It does not sound like he is strong enough to make a decision and act on it. If he has two women who put up with his unwillingness to commit, then he has it easy. (And who knows if his long-distance girlfriend knows about you?) Do not make his love life easy for him. Tell him that if he does not break up with his long-distance girlfriend in three days, you will cut off all romantic and sexual ties with him, because you deserve a man who pays all his attention to you.
~ Jeffrey
May 6th, 2008 at
Thanks JEFF, thats exactly what I said and I am relieved that I am not crazy in my thinking. and YES she doe know about me, but not the way she thinks.
May 7th, 2008 at
Sanclo, I agree too with what Jeffrey said.
This man feels something for you that’s special, but he doesn’t really want, or rather isn’t able, to put all his eggs in one basket.
No, you’re not crazy!
You’re doing the right thing to tell him he needs to be free and be just with you or that’s it.
Best Wishes:-)
Karen
May 7th, 2008 at
SANCLO,
Please let us know if you took Jeffrey’s advice about giving him a 3 day ultimatum. Personally, I think he is a coward. You deserve better. I am divorced myself and I am enjoying being single. So concentrate on yourself and I bet you a great mother too, they will keep you distracted. Before you know it, a wonderful man will come along and swoop you away ;)…..
Drink a glass of wine for me to celebrate your independence and much love for yourself and your family!!!!! “Independence is happiness.” by Susan B. Anthony
xoxo
p.s. don’t forget to keep us posted.
May 7th, 2008 at
welcome, happygoluckyaquariangirl. Thanks for all your comments!
May 7th, 2008 at
you are welcome, Jeff.
to be quite honest, I think all of us here, should be thanking you for all your help!!!! =)
so thanks!!!!!
May 7th, 2008 at
Good Luck Sanclo hope everything works out for you
May 16th, 2008 at
Sanclo, it’s great that you’re strong enough to consider walking away from this. I hope you actually do. Consider that even if he responds to your ultimatum, he had to be *coerced* into committing to you - that’s not a good way to begin a relationship. The issues that have him cheating on his girlfriend and stringing you along will remain even if you manage to get him to be with you. It’s almost certainly best to just walk away from this one and cherish the friendship, if you still want him in your life.
June 23rd, 2008 at
HEY GUYS/GALS
JUST GIVING YALL A UPDATE!!
Well, I told him about my post and what advice I was given. H e responded by sayng that he truely loved me and everytime we spend time together he falls in love with me even more. So I aasked him why are you scared of what I am offering you (all my love). He said he was not scared, I think he is because I am a now single mom with three kids, I have my own house, my own car, handling my business and trying to make that money. H e lives with his parents and only had one live in relationship with his daugthers mom. After that it has been long distance relationships. I told him I dont know why hes afraid to open up, but he need to get over it or he will lose that best thing that ever happened to him. I told him I am tired of waiting for him and he need to let me know if I am wasting my time, I f you love e and I love oyu whats the problem, I dont want to get married or you to move in I just want some sort of confirmation/commitment that we are going to focus on working towards totality with each other. H e makes good money and can financially do anything he really wants, but he is a big time procrastinater and afaid. Im the opposite.So he gets on my nerves. Any way, It all came to a crash landing on June 13th (his birthday). He came to see me I paid for the ticket as a birthday present and I didnt want any excuses for him not to come because all that stuff we talked about need to be in person and it was. Any way, He gets here, we spent a very nice nite and morning, went to lunch he said some really nice things about his love for me , almost made me cry, then I dropped him to his friends house to watchthe game and I said I would return, but I didnt because I wanted him to spend the time with his brothr and friends, cause the next day was his birthday and I had all day plans for us, not to mention I made babysitting arangements. SO I called the next morning to see if he was up and he said he was drinking all nite and he was gonna call me when he rested a little, I called back at 2pm and he was now up and I was on my way, he asked to get him some toiletries and I did. I got to the house and he said I was just gonna call you to tell you my brother buy a house he wants to take me to see , so hes on his way. I was furious, I said so you couldnt tell him you will see it Saturday? So I left and he calls me about 7pm and said he will be ready at 9pm, 9pm im calling him and he is not answering, finally he calls me back and siad he is at his brother hose and he is having a little gathering for him, and he can’t just leave. If he was in front of me I would have ran him over AND backed up. I said him do you want me to come get you he said no, so its 9:30pm, I have not spent anytime ith him yet and he decides to stay over there, sO I hung up and texted him and said I made reservations to surprise you and my friends were all waiting for us , and when I bought the ticket it was for you to spend your b-day with me, but you had your own plans and I an official DONE, have a safe trip back. he texted back and said he is sorry I feel that way, wish it didnt have to end like this, good luck and he still love me, He just couldnt just leave after all the preparations they made. I changed my phone number immediatly after I read his text. All I could say was WOW, I cant believe he couold be so inconsiderate, if it wasnt for me he would not have even been in towna dnwhy was it so hard to say to his brother ” I already had plans prior to getting here”, OR JUST INVITE ME OVER TO THE GATHERING. I know his whole famiy ( they do not officially know about us) but they know we are friends. SO I have not spoken to him since and he does not have my new number. (I still love and miss him much though), trying to move on and not contact him.SOOOO HARD.
July 11th, 2008 at
My heart goes out to you. It is now July 11, 2008. Some time has passed, how have you been? Is it getting better? Has he contacted you some other way? Personally, I think you should be happy. I know it must hurt because something similar happened to me so I can relate.
I hope you are doing better. Please reply and let us know how you are doing.