Stay with boyfriend or go back to ex?
Posted by Jeffrey on Thursday, 14 August, 2008
Sally writes,
Ill try to make this short. I been with my current boyfriend for about 8 months an its kinda boring, we hardly go out now and we dont even talk on the phone, we text eachother. but now my ex want me back (He always did) our break up was dumb, an hes really funny. me an my ex went together for like 10 months an is ALOT sexier then my boyfriend. They are really different from eachother like”my boyfriend dosent want to have sex, my ex does. my ex doesnt have a job or car, my boyfriend does.my boyfriend is kinda shy my ex is not close to shy. there are things that i really like about my ex and things that i really like about my boyfriend. any advice?
Sally,
This seems like a no-brainer. You make your ex sound a hell of a lot more attractive. Yet, you’re writing me, so you must be feeling ambivalent.
This is your homework:
- How was your breakup “dumb”? If you got back together, would you repeat the same problem?
- What do you really like about your boyfriend? He doesn’t take you out, talk on the phone, make love to you. What are you getting out of the relationship?
Let me know in the comments section, and maybe I can help you out.
~ Jeffrey
August 15th, 2008 at
Thanks for your quick response.
1. How we broke up was he told me to do somthing to him sexually, and I got really upset and broke up with him. And other issues I had with him is that when we went together he was like 16 and I was 18. (He acted 16) Now we are a couple years older.
2. I really like that my boyfriend met my whole family, and is good friends with my sister. It seems like he might be the type that marry me. What really scares me is that he wont have sex with me. I dont understand, I asked him about it an he says he does, but he never tried. One more thing that I like about him is that I can tell him about anything and he listens.
August 15th, 2008 at
Sally, it sounds like a safety versus excitement dilemma. It sounds like your boyfriend is “really good friend” potential, but you do need some spice if you want a happy marriage. But perhaps he’s just young and inexperienced, maybe afraid of not measuring up if he thinks you’re more experienced than he is.
August 17th, 2008 at
I’m sorry, but I haven’t gotten past the part about the ex not having a job or car. Why is he a better choice again? The boyfriend is teachable right?
Ok, back to the dilemma….
Even though you all are young, it does sound like you’re faced with a safety vs. excitement dilemma like Jeffrey said. Who wouldn’t be at 20yrs old. Your boyfriend is safe (long term/future) and your ex is exciting (loves sex/lives for the day).
My suggestion is to tell your boyfriend it’s break-time. Unless you’re hoping for and thinking he will proposal by next Valentine’s Day there is no reason to hang in there so tightly.
After he complies use this opportunity to see if your ex has matured to your liking since the last time you both were in a relationship. Don’t commit to be his girlfriend again but take some time to get to know the him he is now without a guilty conscience of cheating on your current boyfriend.
Good luck with everything.
MsA
August 22nd, 2008 at
thanks for the advice everyone.
But things didnt turn out so well for me. I called my ex just to talk an he was upset that I was still with my boyfriend, the conversation didnt go so well. im not calling him anymore but that never stops him from calling me. And now I havent seen my boyfriend in like 3 weeks (he keep making excuses not to see me) I’m about to break it off with him an be single for a while and start over.
August 23rd, 2008 at
That sounds wise. No use going out with someone who won’t see you.
August 23rd, 2008 at
Sally,
Good for you!!! Your boyfriend will realize what he’s lost and unfortunately will come back like he actually deserves you. But, for now you’re making a statement that is empowering for you.