My wife was texting another man!
Posted by Jeffrey on Wednesday, 28 May, 2008
Pleasehelp writes,
I recently found out that my wife was texting another man? Apparently and from my investigation this had only occurred for about 2weeks or so?? She had been going out with her friends, and apparently she met this guy and they exchanged numbers. She claims that nothing occured, just plain texting?? ¶ What do I make of this, please give me your advise. ¶ She has never given me any other reasons to doubt her, this is the first time??
Pleasehelp,
What is “just plain texting?” It sounds like she’s saying, “We just talked. That’s it!” But let’s say — since you’re obviously concerned — they were flirting via SMS. She thought some guy was cute, they exchanged numbers, perhaps she wrote to him the next day, What R U up 2? and they proceeded to share tidbits of their day, or they joked around. Then, one or both of them realized after two weeks that this “thing” wasn’t going anywhere, so they stopped.
Her little “text affair” may be symptomatic of something missing in your marriage. Are the lines of communication open? Can she feel free to chat with you throughout the day? How is your sex life?
I see nothing wrong with harmless flirting outside the marriage, but there is cause for concern once it starts turning into a hidden, ongoing dialogue. It means that your wife has some “male need” that she’s not getting met at home.
On the other hand, maybe “just texting” means “just texting.” That is, no flirtation. She met someone interesting when she was out with her friends, and he just happened to be a guy, but there was no juice between them. Does your wife have straight guy friends? And if so, do you trust her with them?
People need contact, and not only is it unreasonable to expect that they get all their social needs met within a marriage, but maybe even hanging out with the “guys” or “girls” is inadequate. Perhaps extended contact with someone of the opposite gender is necessary for your wife, if only to remind her of why she’s still with you.
~ Jeffrey
May 29th, 2008 at
Many of your sentences end with question marks, but they aren’t questions.
Maybe I am nitpicking….but that’s weird.
It just makes it seem like you are so unsure of this whole situation that you cannot even make a definitive comment about it. If there is something lacking for her, maybe she liked the assertiveness this man had in texting her all day. Sorry to analyze you, but writing comments with question marks seems pretty passive.
May 29th, 2008 at
Hmmm, it seems to me that exchanging numbers with a complete stranger may be a sign that your wife needs more mental and social stimulation and attention. I’m not saying that she did this because she was attracted to this person, but she wasnt repulsed either and could have easily have said hey I’m married. She made a connection with this person and perhaps would like a friendship to bloom. Also, I’m unclear as to what her excuse was when asked why she gave him her number. Did she explain something that is not here? maybe she should have come out with it and been open about it from the beginning. It doesnt sound like you have talked this thru leaving you with doubts. By all means, support her and give her the room she needs.
May 30th, 2008 at
Pleashelp,I’m wondering too, if your wife explained this enough for your own concerns to be satified.
I don’t know that she did if you’re asking,am I right?
What exactly did she explain?
To me, I would be concerned if my husband texted emailed or called any woman–because he rarely talks or calls anyone so if he was texting a woman I’d know for sure something different was up.
If she told you she did want you to know, and probably she was glad she stopped.
What you might try if she has no more to say but you sense something is wrong of “off” still, is lovingly
asking her in a gentle non- intrusive way if he needs more love, or conversation or whatever.
Try provding more ofwhat she may have said she needs in the past–now–without announcing it–jut do it.
If she doesn’t answer, let it go, but another day ask to tlak, if you’re still not sure.
I wouldn’t harass her, but you do have a right as her husband to know what’s what with your wife.
I know spouses can be evasive, so what you most want to know is what you two can do *now* to have a better relationship.
And *listen* to it, even if it sounds strange, ridiculous, or insulting.
Realtionships can be tough sometimes but after some inital difficulites are worked thorugh, they can be even better.
I wish you luck.
Karen
June 5th, 2008 at
I am not sure what to make of this. It seems that two people in a marriage should not put themselves in a ‘position’ that could lead to something more outside of their marriage. She may have found this man interesting and exchanged numbers, but by doing so she has opened up an avenue for continued interaction.
Now in this case it seems nothing came of it, but by establishing communication with another man she created an opportunity for it to potentially develop into something more. Perhaps she may have grown attracted to this other man and who knows what could have happened.
I think people in committed marriages should not put themselves in any situation that could develop into an extramarital relationship. It’s hard to resist temptation so why put yourself into a situation where you could possibly be tempted.
June 7th, 2008 at
PleaseHelp,
If it makes you uncomfortable that your wife is texting another man and it hurts you, discuss this with your wife. If she genuinely values your relationship she will stop. Even if it is perfectly innocent the fact that it makes you uneasy is enough for her to want to stop. It is not appropriate. It raises all forms of doubts. And if it were me and my guy were texting another women I wouldn’t have it.
You need to sit your wife down and find out were this behavior is coming from. It may be that she need some excitement in her life. Find out what’s really going on. Because it isn’t fair to you if it hurts you…..
June 13th, 2008 at
I read your post because I have the same situation and I have been struggling with it by myself. I feel like its so easy to strike up casual relationships with technology and not understand the reprecussions. I hope your situation turns out okay and it sounds like you have been very patient with your wife- which I admire and think is a positive way to ask your questions about the situation and the relationship. I also try to be reflective and give myself some time to think clearly before reacting, but I entertain the thoughts of immaturity and spontaneity in my head of how I might feel like responding! It just gets so complicated….doesn;t it?
July 3rd, 2008 at
I’m sorry to break the news to you but plain texting will lead to something else soon. I am that woman, that wife who is texting another married man whom I dated when I was young. I know it’s wrong and we haven’t been intimate but sms flirting is nothing innocent unless if it’s just once or twice a month. You should talk to your wife and find out why she’s texting him. Anything wrong in your marriage that she’s not happy about, talk it out otherwise it will get serious. I’m telling you from the woman’s point of view and a woman who’s not proud of emotionally cheating on her husband. I hope you get some clarity in this.
July 12th, 2008 at
You need to communicate. Communication is one of the keys to a healthy and loving relationship.
I sincerely wish you the very best.
July 12th, 2008 at
What do you have to do? Well, the very first thing is to discuss this with your wife and to find out was it just a moment of weakness or something really crucial is missing in your marriage. Don’t just let it go, it could be a warning sign!
Women are cheating on their husbands mainly for emotional reasons (www.sweet-is-my-love.com), and the same goes for flirting. I hope it was only more excitement that she tried to find with that another guy!
July 22nd, 2008 at
I am waiting for the follow-up of the story… I hope you two will make it straight! I think you love each other and it would be the shame that such a stupid thing spoils it all!
July 23rd, 2008 at
Hi! I thought your blog was just so darn CUTE! I loved it and I just bookmarked it!
October 14th, 2008 at
It appears that you are trying to be understanding of the situation and your wife’s social needs! That is a GOOD THING! Even though you may feel some jealousy involving her male friends, women have a right to have male friends as well. However, if you are having a problem with it, talk to her and tell her you feel some jealousy about her texting and ask what she is texting about. Is she flirting with this other guy or guys and even if she is, that is only natural between a amn and a woman. Just ask her to be mature about it and to tell you about her flirtations so that you can keep track of her relationships with other guys and come to agreements on a case by case basis. Some guys she may flirt with may be absolutely no threat to you and others may need casual updates by her to you since you are married and need to be open and fair with each other, unless you decide to have an open marriage, in which case you still need to be open with each other about other male/female bondings.