Love-Advice.com

Posted by Jeffrey on Friday, 12 September, 2008

joe writes,

My girlfriend of a year has moved to south carolina to college i work in new york. she been there about 3 weeks now but her texting and phone calls have really slowed down,and im worried she might be “talking” to someone we both agreed to try to make this work but my insecurities are telling all those new guys don’t care if she has a bf… the phone and texting is a alarming me what do you think that means????

joe,

Her reduced texts and calls could mean many things.

Starting college is an overwhelming experience, both socially and academically. She has to get acclimated to a new environment, where she is trying to find where she “fits in.” She has a whole bunch of new classes that demand more than was expected from her in high school.

And there are lots of guys — including guys who don’t care that she has a bf. She may very well be getting lots of attention. Whether it’s wanted or not, I don’t know. That really depends on how committed she is to making her relationship with you work.

The only true way to find out what’s going on is to ask her. You may not want to just come off as insecure about the relationship, as that’s not necessarily a turn-on. But it’s totally cool to talk about how relations between you two are shifting, now that you are both far away from each other and in vastly different environments.

Ultimately, you have to trust her. Just because she’s reaching out less does not mean she’s interested in another guy. But these things do happen, and you might get more out of her if you don’t confront her directly, as that could just put her on the defensive.

Have you considered “phone dates”? You could propose that since you’re both really busy, it might be good for the relationship if you scheduled times to talk, say, three times a week. If she resists, then maybe you should wonder.

~ Jeffrey