Is cybersex cheating?
Posted by Jeffrey on Tuesday, 29 April, 2008
The following question is from Yahoo Answers:
one&only1 writes,
Do you think chatting and cyber sex is cheating, or a form of entertainment? No web cam, just a microphone and keyboard
one&only1,
For some there are many gradations of cheating, for others it’s black-and-white. It really depends upon whomever you think you might be cheating on.
There are many levels of engagement in a relationship: sexual, mental, emotional, spiritual. Cheating is usually defined as having sex with someone outside of your relationship. But what is sex? (Don’t ask Bill Clinton!) Sex is not just the erotic intermingling of bodies in the same physical space. If two consenting adults — separated by location — bring each other sexual pleasure, they are still having a connection. It’s just that they haven’t touched each other.
The problem is that the very concept of location has changed with advances in technology. For example, when readers comment on this blog, they are converging upon the same virtual location. The internet is a meeting place where more than one mind connects. And sex is, in some respects, a meeting of minds — it’s not just two bodies rubbing up against each other.
Come to think of it, time itself is not a constraint. If two people snail mail each other erotic letters, are they not having a form of sex? You could say that the Post Office is their internet — it just takes much longer to communicate.
I think cybersex is a form of infidelity. I don’t think it’s as “cheaty” as meeting up in a motel room, but you’re still getting it on with someone outside your relationship.
~ Jeffrey
Comment below: Is it cheating if you bring yourself to orgasm over a textual or voice interaction with someone outside of your relationship, and that person is not in the same physical location as yourself?
Do you need advice? Ask Jeffrey a Question.
April 29th, 2008 at
This one is too easy Jeffrey……..YES, it’s cheating, unless of course you’re Mr. Clinton.
April 29th, 2008 at
Well, that’s what I get for going to Yahoo for love advice questions. It’s just that I’ve nearly run out of user-submitted ones!
April 29th, 2008 at
I think online email/im/webchat sex talk is cheating…
I came to that conclusion after I saw the pain and anguish it caused my bf at the time after he found a heated sexual internet exchange I had with another man.
Who ever you are…don’t go there…
-a.
April 29th, 2008 at
Jeffrey, Just wondering if you could pull some questions from the SC Ning, of course with the permission of the person who is asking the question. There are a lot of questions there on that site that have very little or nothing to do with astrology, but a lot to do with relationship drama, if you know what I mean…:-)
April 29th, 2008 at
Indeed I do.
April 29th, 2008 at
:-):-):-)
April 30th, 2008 at
I definitely agree here.. and will add that the rule of thumb is if you wont have the conversation IN FRONT OF your partner, then something is wrong….
May 2nd, 2008 at
I agree with all of you if this question is still anyone’s interest.
Online or phone sex is still sex.
B.Clinton either used a childish defintion or more likely wanted to prevraicate publically(understandably) about havinh had a sexual liaiason with someone other than his wife.
I lso know that with some younger folks–*sex* in their terminolgy means only sexual intercourse.However–even if you go with that-(which I don’t!) it gets all confusing and ambigous when other sexual situations are defined.
I was asked by a hot young man to show my breasts to him.
He claimed this was no big deal.At my asking,he even said he would really not mind if his gf did this for another man if it was just that.
Ha! says I — but if I do what you’re asking, it will not end there!
And, as another freind of mine stated–”not sex?Of course it is–visual sex!”
Nuff said?
Jeff shall I ask some question here that you and your readers can help with?
Karen
May 2nd, 2008 at
Ooh Karen. I do need questions to answer. That’s one ingredient that is holding back this blog’s growth.
May 7th, 2008 at
How about carrying on a relationship with 1 1/2 years with a man I have never met?
I would love to hear your take on that one, because I am moving to his COUNTRY in two months, yes, moving, and I have never met this guy. Just been sending emails and talking on instant messaging for over a year.
Of course in this case, anything cyber with another person would be cheating, but can you cheat on someone you haven’t met then?
May 7th, 2008 at
This sounds complex, Ignipotent. Maybe you should submit your question with more details in my form.
May 9th, 2008 at
I disagree with everyone!
I don’t think chatting or having cybersex on a microphone and keyboard is cheating. I think it is a mild flirtation, just like some of us are - a little flirtatious. Sometimes being a flirt is just part of our personality. I think if someone releases some cybersex with a microphone and keyboard is a little more than flirtation, of course, but that person is just releasing some sex energy (yes I know they are masterbating) that apparently he/she is lacking in their relationship. Once again, I don’t think it is cybersex, at least not with a keyboard and microphone. I do believe that there is a problem in their relationship and those two people need to communicate the reason why this person has to cybersex.
May 9th, 2008 at
What?!? Masturbating to porn or an erotica story is qualitatively different than masturbating during an interaction with another person, imo. Mildly flirting is complimenting someone on their skirt or hands or making light sexual innuendo, it’s NOT dirty talk with the intention to get off.
May 9th, 2008 at
“…I don’t think chatting or having cybersex on a microphone and keyboard is cheating….”
So I suppose you would have no problem with your husband/boyfriend doing this while in a relationship with you.
“..Once again, I don’t think it is cybersex, at least not with a keyboard and microphone. I do believe that there is a problem in their relationship and those two people need to communicate the reason why this person has to cybersex….”
Oh, so it is indicative of a ‘problem in a relationship’ ??? Why, may I ask does this indicate a ‘problem’ if it’s OK to do it?
May 10th, 2008 at
@ Shygirl:
“So I suppose you would have no problem with your husband/boyfriend doing this while in a relationship with you.”
I wouldn’t have a problem if it is something we both agreed upon.
“Oh, so it is indicative of a ‘problem in a relationship’??? Why, may I ask does this indicate a ‘problem’ if it’s OK to do it?”
If we agreed that he would do it on when I was away during business trips or maybe once every 2 weeks, let’s suppose, and he broke our agreement and he started doing it every week, and it was quite frequent then yes, it would be a problem.
I think every relationship is different. We all have different values and morals and I think we have to respect every relationship. We have the right to disagree and disapprove but we must respect it just the same way I respect everyone else’s. Who are we to judge what is right? Only God is the judge of how we live our lives. Problem is in the world is that everyone sees their own way as right in their own eyes. That is why there is so much friction between the nations in the world. We have to learn to respect each other and learn how to get along. Unfortunately, some people are arrogant and judgmental and prideful and forget that respect is the key to a peaceful and loving society.
Once again, in my opinion, I don’t think I consider cybersex as cheating. If you think otherwise, then I respect your opinion. I hope you respect mine.
Thanks =)
May 10th, 2008 at
Correction:
I meant to say I don’t consider cybersex as cheating.
May 10th, 2008 at
@Jeffrey:
I say let the man get off while he’s chatting or on a microphone and keyboard having cybersex with someone else as long as him and I laid ground rules beforehand. Remember to “cheat” is defined by the following:
1. To deceive by trickery; swindle
2. To deprive by tricker; defraud
3. To mislead; fool
4. To elude; escape
To act dishonestly; practice fraud
To viiolate rules deliberately, as in a game
To be sexually unfaithful
To position oneself closer to a certain area than is normal or expected.
Source: dictionary.com
So if my partner and I both agreed and had rules, then he hasn’t been sexually unfaithful and he hasn’t deceived me in anyway. So to each its own.
May 10th, 2008 at
@ happygoluckyaquariangirl, Thanks for taking time to explain your views. They are certainly radically different from mine, but like you said everyone has a right to their opinion.
May 12th, 2008 at
@happygolucky,
i have to agree that if the two partners arent deceiving one another about whats going on, then it isnt cheating…
i just think you walk a sticky wicket when it comes to this stuff and better be darn careful…
May 21st, 2008 at
Its cheating. Especially if its kept a secret. Its a turn to others for sexual gratification/feeling wanted or needed, and is an unhealthy byproduct of the internet. People that turn to sex like this need to re-evaluate the worth they see in themselves (or complete lack thereof) and take a step back and see who it is they are really hurting.