Am I just jealous, or are my boyfriend and his coworker involved with each other?
Posted by Jeffrey on Wednesday, 16 April, 2008
Kiki writes,
When I met him I knew he had a lot of female friends. I have no problem with this. However, there is one, whom he’s been friends with for about 7 months or so, that has got me bothered. Until about 3 months ago (when they began working at the same place), he rarely mentioned her. Lately, I have noticed that they talk or text each other several times a day. He claims that they only talk about work. However, they both only work at the assisted living facility about 3-4 times a week. I question how much do they need to discuss. He’s been dishonest about the times that they have spoken or text one another. I spoke to him about this and let him know that I was not comfortable with this friendship. I don’t understand the secrecy with her. He has even gotten to the point that he will discuss things with her and not talk to me, and yes some of it personal. While I know virtually nothing about this woman. When I question him, I get the “we are just friends” talk. I have not met this woman personally, and for some reason he has not introduced us, and the opportunity has presented itself. According to him, I am “tripping” about this. I have mentioned to him other women friends that he’s had that I have had problems with, and without any hesitation he has handled the situation. But with this woman, it seems to be a problem for him to tone it down. I recently noticed on the cellphone bill, that they talked on the phone one night on four different times totaling about an hour and a half. On this night, they were working the night shift at different facilities. When I questioned this, he just stated that it was about work. He has never talked to his BEST Friend, who is a woman, like this. I have gotten to the point where I am beginning to trust my judgment with him, and am questioning if they have been ventured past the phone thing and have been spending time together during the day. They both work nights and I work days. Most days he is not at home. At first, I thought that these little things were me making a mountain out of a mole hill. Like I said, he has lots of female friends. All of whom I know, and have a friendly relationship with. But I just don’t get why this one bothers me so much, and why he is so secretive with her. Or is it that I am just being jealous?
Kiki,
No, you’re not just being jealous.
- You trust him with all his other female friends, and he respects your wishes when you express discomfort with any of his other friendships.
- He hasn’t introduced her to you.
- And he just can’t be talking about work for that long. Complaining about patients and other staff does not take 90 minutes.
So, let’s say he’s having an emotional affair. And that he’s denying it, because he doesn’t want to stop the flirtation. He may be rationalizing, “I’m not cheating, it’s just words.”
What can you do about it? If he hasn’t consummated this affair, there’s no evidence with which you can confront him. You’ve already shown him the cell phone bill.
Perhaps you can say, “If I’m just tripping about this, then you should have no hesitation to introduce me to your friend. Otherwise, it is safe for me to assume that there’s something going on.”
Sometimes men need to be put in a corner to recognize the error of their ways.
Comment below: Is Kiki right in being suspicious? And what do you think she should do about it?
April 16th, 2008 at
Kiki, I think you’re 100% right in suspecting that there’s something going on between these 2 people, based on what you’ve written. There’s no way to explain all of this as ‘just friendship’. Any woman in her right mind would have questions about this ‘friendship’. Trust your instincts !!!!!!
I have a ‘devious’ plan for you…..:-):-) How do you feel about showing up unannounced at their work on a night when they are supposed to be working together ? Say you just stopped by to say, ‘hi’. You will get to meet her. Walk up to her & introduce yourself to her and chat with her. Be very PLEASANT & POLITE. Pay attention to their reactions, their body language & your gut instincts during that meeting. Then follow that up next day with your boyfriend with a ‘conversation’ about your ‘observations’….:-)
Whatever you do, don’t ignore your instincts and don’t let anyone take you for granted & mistreat you. Good luck to you !!!
April 20th, 2008 at
Kiki,
It doesn’t matter what’s going on between them. What matters is what’s going on between you and your man.
When and how did you lose the intimacy and the soulmate connection?
Bring it back so you two can have secrets and whispers of your own that far surpass whatever electricity is going on with the other woman.
Don’t freak out over her. Jealousy is not cool and it will make you look weak and insecure.
If you cannot bring your man back into your web, then maybe the relationship should be over and you can find new love with someone else.
April 21st, 2008 at
I swear I’m having an epiphany, right now! The following comment is a completely new concept to me:
“So, let’s say he’s having an emotional affair. And that he’s denying it, because he doesn’t want to stop the flirtation. He may be rationalizing, “I’m not cheating, it’s just words.” ”
Just at this moment, I realize that I’m having an emotional affair with someone. I enjoy the flirt so much that just the thought of stopping scares me to death. Believe me, there are NO intentions to move beyond that point. My wife takes care of my physical needs and tolerates my behaviour, but the extra special attention really does it for me.
I don’t know if MY comment helps you to understand what some men go through, but after reading the idea above, I realized that it is actually a strong possibility that I going through that exact situation.
April 22nd, 2008 at
I totally agree with Jeffery and Shygirl. You have every right to suspect that something is going on between your man and this woman. I always say if you have nothing to hide, you are an open book. If nothing was going on, your man wouldn’t feel the need to be so secretive. Also it’s the simple fact that he has other female friends he doesn’t talk to as much as this female and also when you felt uncomfortable with some, he respected you enough to solve the situation, but not with this particular female. Usually if something starts to bother us quite alot, there is reason for it. He is definitely having an emotional affair and I wouldn’t be suprised if it has turned physical yet. I feel that if a person really cared/loved you, they will respect you and your feelings, so you have every right to feel the way you are feeling. I’m sure if the shoe were on the other foot, he would feel the same if not worse. I say treat him the way he treats you…sometimes men don’t WANT to understand things until they are PUT in the same situation.